In-Character Game Journal
Se we ran into a pyramid spider thing. Nessa tried to eldritch blast it but a portal appeared and a guy walked out. He and the spider stared a grapple and kinda ignored us. We tried to get past them, but the spider decided to try to attack us. It hit me with some spit and grappled Lulu. I tried to use by brute gauntlet charges but ended up sneezing. We killed it finally. I think this child has been affecting the spell casting.
Praise the balance.
Again with the things popping up on the stairs. At least i got a few potions of cure light wounds. Also, who keeps inviting the dang multi-appendages?
These stairs seem endless. Why did it have to be stairs. Why stairs? I might look in shape but secretly im a fat kid, wheezing on these stairs. Plus, pretty sure Melino fell in love with a mushroom man.
Our new adventure is under way. We were asked to deal with a creature that has been destroying a really long staircase by a very powerful lady. After Lulu pantsed me, we were on our way. After a while, Lulu said she needed food, so Melino and Nessa went through one of the doors while Lulu and I stayed behind and kept the door open. After they returned with food and Lulu had her fill, we continued on. We encountered a huge spider/rat thing with a whole swarm of mini ones, but with one shout and a few eldritch blasts, they were dealt with. Praise the balance.
A jingle announces Shemeshka as she enters Ramander's tiny shop. Ramander only briefly takes notice of his visitor but immediately returns to his Tome of Portals. A few dozen loose leaves of notes litter his desk all around the open Tome as he carefully transfers notes from leaf to book.
"Any significant changes in your portal maps?" Shemeshka asks as she takes a guest seat. Ramander keeps what could arguably be the most up to date and accurate map of portals in Sigil. An impressive feat, Shemeshka thinks, that's why everyone calls him the Portal Master.
"For every new one we've found, we've also lost two more," he responds without looking up.
A strange sound comes from the back room. "Where's your brother? Is he back there?" Shemeshka wanders out loud.
Ramander doesn't take his eyes off his notes, one finger on a loose leaf, another finger in the Tome. "Yes I told him to remain there while I work on this."
Again the strange noise, like ripping drapes perhaps. "Well what in all the Nine Hells is he doing back there?"
"I haven't a clue," he responds, again not taking his eyes from his notes.
"What did you program that dead thing to do, Ramander?" she asks as she cranes her neck to look down the hall.
"Stay. Kneel. The usual. Why do you ask?" He finally pauses and looks up at Shemeshka just in time for the ripping noise again.
Shekeshka and Ramander both stand simultaneously as Shemeshka asks, "When's the last time you checked on him?" They both make their way down the narrow hallway to the back room.
As they enter the room, they see Ramander's undead brother laying motionless on the floor, and again the loud ripping noise. They both turn their gazes to the other side of the room, the source of the noise.
Ramander: "What the hell are you doing...!?"
Shemeshka: "No....no....NO!" At this she begins screaming in abject horror as she stumbles backing out of the room. As she loses sight of Ramander she can hear a scuffle break out. At this, Shemeshka panics as she turns and runs out the front door, tears swell up in her eyes making it hard to see, but she doesn't take notice, she just keeps running and screaming, and once in a while she looks back over her shoulder.
*** Bonus Magic Item ***
Everyone who comments on this post before game time gets their choice of magic item (item level 1).
So. Guess what happens when I arrange an exclusive, hands-on meeting with the girls and you repay me with a ticket to devil jail? Go ahead, guess, because I haven't decided yet, but it's probably gonna be deeply ironic. No, not smothering. Obviously. Whatever I do, it's not supposed to be fun for him. No, I won't kill him. Probably.
Anyways, we set free a big ugly animal from the devil zoo, or something like that. I wasn't really payin' attention.
I'm trying to contain my excitement as I write this. We saved the Maldure and we stayed alive. I really did not think we would be alive after this. I'm not sure what to do now. Maybe I'll start a flower business. I could ask Noname to be my husband??? I could use one. He talks a bit more tha Udrol but I can make it work. I'll ask Lakshmi later what he thinks. I wonder if Shameshka is back, I'd like to ask her about William.
Well, Noname abandoned us for freedom. He asked the maeldur to teleport us all to somewhere safe but it only sent him. Lulu asked the same and got sent to freedom but they took the orb with them. Thankfully with powerful wishing the maeldur is telepathic and was able to send me to the dungeon as well. Melano ended up staying behind and told us that the maeldur fell into the river styx and disappeared but at least hes free now. Turns out, there Was a way back to sigil through the dungeon and the candle stick store heffer just didnt tell us. Probably thought we’d die in the dungeon but ohwell. We’re back in sigil now figuring out our next move.
This group will be the death of me. They are so chaotic, but somehow get the mission done. Perhaps it’s the balance! That’s it! The balance is telling me to not try and control it for it knows best. That’s why our last battle was so difficult. In the end, it all worked out! I can’t wait for our next adventure.
Ramander: We (Shemeshka and I) had left Sigil secretly with the body of William.
Our original destination was Lunia, the 1st mountain of Celestia. Once there, we met with some archons and aasimon, specifically those of a band of the Lunar Choir of Militant Righteousness. The celestials agreed to help raise William. But after several attempts, we all determined that the gods of Celestia just weren't about to grant a revive spell for a demon, even for one such as William.
So from there we all headed out to the Outlands near Plaque-Mort, gate town to the Abyss. We secured a building there and again tried to revive William.
During the ritual, Tapheon teleported into the room with some demon underlings along with a faux William animated zombie. Combat immediately broke out.
Shemeshka and some of the choir boys continued the ritual.
During combat, Thralhavoc and his shadow demon thralls teleported into the room and demanded the body of Apocaloxon Loggonon (aka William). And of course they entered the battle also.
At this time one of the gods of the Abyss, specifically Eshebala (goddess of foxwomen and wolfweres), finally granted the revival spell whereupon William inhaled deeply and stood upon his own feet.
Tapheon took the opportunity and picked up the newly revived William and attempted to teleport away.
But his teleportation didn't work.
Teleporting had been somehow blocked for everyone.
In the brief confusion, Shemeshka joined the grapple with Tapheon. Faux William then also entered the grapple to assist Tapheon. Finally the celestial choir boys managed to knock everyone in the grapple unconscious with some celestial hymn, whereupon all the grapplers spilled unmoving onto the floor.
All combatants ceased their fighting for a moment.
Those that had been knocked out quickly regained consciousness and now no one knew which one was the real William, so well had the faux William been disguised.
Shemeshka asked them both a question only the real William should know. One of the Williams responded immediately, whereupon the celestials made quick work of the other William tearing him into pieces.
Thralhavoc in turn destroyed Tapheon (his body being drained of both life and color), after which Thralhavoc turned toward William, saying, "Long have I sought a way to enter the City of Doors, but was blocked by an entity much stronger than myself every time. You belong to the Abyss. It was long ago prophesied that you'd be a key element in the final battle. You are supposed to be how we win the Blood War and the Apocalypse. Your destructive power will one day rival the gods themselves. Come with me now or I'll destroy you where you stand."
William stubbornly and bravely refused, facing off with that demon lord known as the Shadowmaster.
The Lunar choir boys began a low key hymn for some damn reason.
[Shemeshka: "It was one of their hymns of calming, Ramander."]
[Ramander responds with a long glare at Shemeshka and then rolls his eyes.]
Anyway, in response, Thralhavoc reared back to strike William.
But William unflinchingly offered no resistance, his arms presented with open palms, saying, "I'd rather be dead than to be forced against my will."
The entire room pulsed with the anger of Thralhavoc, who did not follow through with his attack. "Don't ever let me find you alone outside the Cage, Apocaloxon Loggonon." Thralhavoc then left the building along with his shadow demon minions, immensely frustrated and full of hate, destroying everyone and everything in the street as they made their way out of town (sans teleport).
Shemeshka then rushed into the arms of William.
I suggested that we could celebrate later once we were safely back in the Cage. So the celeatials accompanied us back to Sigil, after which they returned to Mt Celestia.
I was shaken awake by Noname. Did he have a nightmare or something? It’s too early for this... As my head began to focus on what he was saying, I realized he had a dream about William. Puppets? The maldur. There was a lot to unpack here, honestly. I’m just along for the ride. Whatever we do is what we do. I blinked a few times to wake up while Noname discussed everything with LuLu.
I overheard them talking about resting up some more. I let them know I was going on a nature walk with Lakshmi to find some berries and mice. Surprisingly, they were interested! I tried not to let them know how excited I was that they wanted to join me in looking at nature. I turned into a cat. It worked!
We went on the walk. Found so many mice! Noname even ate one for me, how sweet of him!
After a fun day of looking through the woods, we walked back to the inn. My current companions were arguing again about what to do next I think. I stayed as a cat, I didn’t really care what was next. I did get annoyed after awhile so I eventually turned back into my natural form. “Why dont we go see Rimander? He usually knows where to go.”
They agreed.
We were on our way to his little ‘office setting’. He wasn’t in there? We looked around and found a handful of hooded figures surrounding the body of William. It looked like they were casting a spell to bring him back to life. We waited for them to finish before speaking.
They had failed.
Shameshka was among the robed figures and was angry by their failure. I could understand. William was a close friend to me too. She explained that they were trying to resurrect him but were having trouble due to the amount diamonds they currently had. It was difficult to get anything with how Sigil was at the moment. We couldn’t sell anything and we didn’t have enough to help but we still got what we came for. Before we left we told Shameshka about Teflon trying to resurrect William on his end. What a sicko.
Onto a candle maker?
All around us people were getting stopped, weapons being confiscated. They were afraid that a war would break out due to Williams tomb stone name. Apparently the tanari wanting his original name on it, but he had renounced that name. He was William now! Dumb. None of my business I guess. He was a friend but i don’t think Shameshka would let them put the wrong name down, so I’ll leave it to her.
Fast forward to his funeral - a fight almost broke out when the body didn’t show up. Probably should check that out...and no one is here. Rimanders place was empty besides his pedophile zombie brother. Lulu found a ledger that showed where they had gone. Good. One less thing to worry about. Onto the original problem.
We went to the candle makers and used his little portal thing. Idiot tricked us. This isn’t where we said we wanted to go, this is a fucking cave. I can’t believe we let him fondle Lulu for this!
I cast Light on my ring. This all felt...weird....stretchy...my mind and body being pulled. What’s that sound? Bats???
I had the most realistic dream. Not sure if it was a look into the future or a glimpse of a distant past, but it had meaning nonetheless. I told my dream to Melino and Lulu, and I think we are of the same thought. The maldur needs a name to teleport that entity! I don’t know if it works on all being, but we may want to tell him our names for a quick escape. I should bring it up with my companions. I don’t think his teleportation works in Sigil, given that there is so much power held by those who know portal locations. Maybe another plane? The celestial plane? I can bring it up when we are done with this funeral, if it ever starts.
Also, we could use the river Stix to have the maldur forget all the names he has been told. He looked to be tremendous pain in my vision and he has been that way for a very long time. It might be better to forget, and find peace in ignorance. Who knows, we were told he fell because of what was told to him. If he forgot, could he rise up to his former self? Maybe.
People are starting to get agitated by the Funeral delay. Did Shimeshka succeed? Is that why it doesn’t appear we will be having a funeral? The peace keepers are starting to send people away. Melino looks sad. I wish I could comfort her, reassure her William will come back...but I can’t. We need to deal with the maldur, then we can help William.
Praise the Balance
We kept walking towards the pool and saw a large lady being....sucked by the water? Like it was crawling into her insides. Noname thought she was in need of help (like the heroic man he is) so we got closer to help her. Then a couple extra droplet people came to attack us. I got knocked out multiple times, and I can’t remember much of this past month...
When I awoke, we had an extra adventurer with us. An opera singer no less! She’s beautiful and knows how to beat up fiends. I think we are going to be besties for sure! She also can’t seem to remember what happened. She doesn’t know why she’s here. Noname explained as much as he could about what we were doing. I understood...not much. But whatever. I’ll do what he tells me. We were all doing pretty badly so LuLu (my new BFF) and I slept in the tent while Noname watched for any fiends. I was thrown into a dream where I looked like William! I didn’t know where I was but I saw Shameshka laying down across from me. I tried calling her name but she responded that she was LuLu! We explored and exchanged information (and clothes at one point) before coming upon a hoard of zombies. We figured it would be best to join them to get some more knowledge about what was going on. That idiot that killed William took me out of the crowd and tried to place me on a slab. I refused, acting like a mindless zombie the entire time, while LuLu laid on one of the slabs. The idiot ran off and ignored us, so onto searching we went. We found a lot of body parts....and a triangle orb thing? And a staff of tongues? It all sounds so familiar. I think Noname talked to me about it...it’s the stupid orb we needed? I started getting nervous and high on energy. “We gotta go NOW” I said, as we heard rumbles come from underneath us. Teflon was coming. LuLu found a weird circle hidden under a bunch of limbs. She gave me the staff and orb and sent me through it. She followed soon after. We were outside? Is that...Noname? Are we awake? What’s going on??
He called out to us. I woke up. I heard him yelling about zombies. I ran out and told him to calm down. It was difficult to explain but I think I got him to calm down. I went near the zombies that LuLu and I possessed. I guess it wasn’t a dream. We grabbed the objects and ran back to the gate.
Felt it best to give the tongue staff to that guardian lady. Man did she love it. We saw Teflon teleport to our area but I left so fast I didn’t bother to think about it. We ended up at our usual inn. I just wanted to rest. As I rested, I tried to remember what LuLu had repeated while holding the orb.
The 7th layer of hell. He lies in the mobile fortress labeled “The Relentless”.
PLANAR CANT
Don't get peeled cutter, make sure you're reading Sigil's only underground newsrag that matters.
Top story today. The Lady has finally had enough of the Bixiinae and their rapid overpopulation. As a result, she's mazed the entire lot of them. Several businesses that had been run almost entirely by Bixiinae are temporarily closed while their owners' scramble to find new workers. Prices are up right now all across the Great Bazaar due to shortages. Expect prices to be about double or sometimes triple right now.
In other news, the Harmonium are setting up guard stations everywhere within eyeshot of what is sure to be an unprecedented turnout for the viewing of who some are calling the Son of Sigil. Services are being held in two days for the local soothsayer William who, as you should already know, was killed in an ambush recently. There has been a hot debate about what name to put on his headstone. Tanar'ri representatives from the Abyss are insisting his full demon name be inscribed on the stone, Apocaloxon Loggonon. Meanwhile others such as the Portal Master and Shemeahka are insisting that he had given up that name for his new chosen name William when he turned stag on the Blood War and became a permanent resident of Sigil. A spokesman from the Harmonium had this to say, "We don't really care what name gets put on that demon's headstone, we're just here to keep a funeral from breaking out into a war."
"So I woke up in hell the other day,"
Nah - can that crap. Utterly trite. All the devils will walk right out. But then, they're only ever there for the second act, anyway. Plus, it's been years since I did stand-up. I don't even have a show booked. Right? ...Right? Shit. Maybe I do. Probably too late to cancel.
Okay. Which damp-faced dumbfuck had the bright idea for me to go to hell? Me? My agent? Susan? What a fiasco. Can't remember why I came. Must have been a gig, right? Hope it went well. Who even hires a singer out there? Wait, was it the water guys? Was that the act? Shit. They stiffed me.
I'd kill my agent, but if I know me, and I do, I already did. Hopefully, he suffered. I should be so lucky.
Oh well. Honestly? Not the worst job I've had. Even met some fans - eh, who am I kidding? They never heard of me. To spare my own ego, I'm gonna assume that's because they've been too busy with this seriously shady business. I mean, I know shady business, and this business is shadier than my taint. You don't stand under shade this shady, understand? Liable to get sat on.
Too late, though - think I'm an accomplice now. Best to brace for impact, hope for soft cheeks. Started having weird dreams, which turned out to not be dreams. First I thought one of my new friends slipped me something Bytopic. Still not sure they didn't. None of it makes any sense. For example: That tongue thing? Doesn't make any sense. All those bodies? Don't make any sense. You see where I'm going with this? Every time I try to describe what just happened, I realize what I'm about to say sounds fucking stupid, so I give up.
Enough. Gonna sleep now. Look for a spellweaver masseuse in the morning.
I fear that the balance does not touch this realm. I performed my morning ritual for strength and felt nothing. It could be that the balance has deemed me strong enough for the challenges ahead. Based on our recent encounter with some four legged creatures, I want to believe in the balance. I was able to trip such creatures not just once but multiple times. I do fear the day when the balance scales tip out of my favor. I do believe that if Melino is by my side, I can face the odds. I watch her from time to time. It is difficult with how many eyes she has and I believe see does know of the glances I steal. Praise the Balance .... and keep her safe.
We asked the crazy dead raiser for some help doing some spells. She told us to basically stomp on the name of teflon and we would get what we wanted. Highly sus. I don’t want to do it but I’m the one who needs it the most. She dragged our kill away, happy as can be.
Loli wanted desperately to stop by the Pool of Clearest Water on our way to the leader so we headed that way. While walking along, we saw 5 creepy beings galloping towards us. DIDNT like the sight of that, especially when I’m hurt and don’t have many spells I can use. While they were charging, I remembered I’d prepped my lightening for this layer of hell. We killed 2 out of the 5 of them. The other 3 ran off a distance and kept watching us like wolves, waiting for the chance to strike. We got sick of this very quickly.
“This is annoying,” Loli would say. “Let’s just kill them and be done with it.
I agreed. We came up with a slightly elaborate plan pretending to sleep to lure them in. Once they dropped their guard and came closer, I cast Wind Wall to prevent them from skittering off again. This time we wouldn’t let them leave alive.
Or
That was the plan I guess
I couldn’t get my spell to work
So
We quickly tried to decimate them before they could run like the big babies they were. We got all but one, who ran off hopefully to never be seen again.
We were on the road again and came upon the Pool of Clearest Water, at last.
I’m suddenly so thirsty.
Noname approaches the Clearest Water, and slips into a trance...
Darkness fills your vision, like an oppressive hot blanket. The metallic scent of a building clashes with the scent of rotting flesh, like a dumpster behind a popular restaurant on a hot summer day, except way worse. Like several dozen such dumpsters upwind from you.
The rumble of distant heavy footfalls breaks the silence. The stride is slow, suggesting a massive size. The flicker of an approaching torchlight provides an escape from the darkness, illuminating a descending metal passageway. The torchlight seems to brighten a little more with each rumbling footfall. Then the source of both sound and light emerge into the passageway, heading toward you. A massive boar like head, above a gluttonous naked, roughly humanoid body covered in a thin layer of course hair. His head is down, reading an open book held in hand that is also the source of a torch like illumination. The obviously male beastly demon mutters in a deep bass voice as he reads, only half forming words. At the peak of the stairs, he continues over to a lectern. You seem to be perched somehow above the floor by at least 30 feet, seeing all of this below you. With his other hand he drags the lectern in another direction, finally illuminating two metal slabs, each with an unmoving body laying on its back. One a fox-headed female in a formal evening gown, the other a human male in a tuxedo. The demon stops near them, sets the lectern upright, and gingerly places the glowing book thereon. One could imagine the demon performing a matrimonial ceremony for two deceased lovers. The demon places both hands on the sides of the top surface of the lectern, and slightly arches his back, allowing the lectern to support his weight as he reads. His voice suddenly booms, speaking his words with authority. Arcane lettering in the book illuminates in bright fiery orange one at a time corresponding to the spoken words.
Idcirco praecipio tibi ut Tapheon iure meo, id est dominus noster iacuit in abyssum irent.
Abyssal Translation: [[ I command you by my right as Tapheon, lord of this layer of the Abyss. ]]
The male body in the tuxedo begins to twitch.
Parere antiquis cultus dialogum. Surge a mortuis, et te ipsum mihi materiam fuisse.
[[ Obey the ancient dialogue. Rise from the dead and enthrall yourself to me. ]]
A grey smoke begins to swirl around both the speaker and the male corpse.
Ego petenti daret. Et renasci Apocaloxon Loggonon. Et vos eritis mihi servus.
[[ I demand it. You will be reborn, Apocaloxon Loggonon. You will be my slave. ]]
The eyelids of the dead man flash open, revealing a pair of bright red glowing dead eyes. Yet the body still does nothing more than twitch. The voice of the demon increases in volume and forcefulness.
Ut dici quod anima tuis quibus praevaricata es filius meus. Surge, et sta super...
[[ I claim your rebellious soul as my son. Arise, stand upon thy... ]]
...the magic ceremony is interrupted by a babau, "Tapheon," it yells as it enters the room. The swirling smoke evaporates, and the dead man closes his eyes and ceases twitching. In response, Tapheon turns to face the babau who appears to be the size of a halfling by comparison. In a swift motion the massive demon pounces the babau, pinning it to the floor, breathing through his teeth in anger. "What was so fucking important that you had to interrupt me right now?!"
Their faces nearly touching, the babau begins to whimper in fear. "...please..." the sound barely escapes its mouth.
"Answer me question before I tear your arms from your body and add them to me pile of arms!" Tapheon is in a calm panting rage, although he waits for the answer.
The babau stutters in intense fear. "The...the...the bug, barbarian, and broad have re...re...reached the clear water...s...s...sir..."
Tapheon calms visibly, his panting ceases, and he stands to his feet. He even holds out his hand to help the babau stand. The babau hesitates, but fears punishment for noncompliance worse than anything else right now and reaches out his hand.
A loud pop precedes the shrieks of pain that come from the babau as Tapheon tears the arm from the babau and tosses it in a pile of arms nearby. "I did say answer before I do it, did I not?" Tapheon says mockingly. "I never said your answer would prevent it from happening."
Tapheon suddenly stops moving. His massive head snaps directly toward you. His eyes narrow. "Well, well, well. What have we hear, Magganax?"
The babau is searching for his arm in the pile, "No one could know better than you, mighty Lord Tapheon."
"This is no ordinary fly upon me wall. I feel its presence..."
At this Noname snaps out of his trance.
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